3 Reasons SAHMs Are Burnt Out (That Most People Overlook)
There I was, crying in the bathroom with the door locked.
I could hear my small kids on the other side of the door. My 3-year-old, 1-year-old, and newborn wondering where mommy went. But I couldn’t open that door. I felt like I needed to escape, but there was nowhere to go.
We had just moved for the third time in three years. I was drowning.
I was so embarrassed when I finally called my husband and told him to come home immediately.
Have you ever felt like this? Those low, desperate moments where you wonder, “Is it supposed to be this hard? What’s wrong with me?”
Here’s the thing: most people don’t understand why stay-at-home moms burn out. They think we’re “just at home all day.” They don’t get it because they’ve never lived it.
But after 6 kids and 11 years of experience (so far), I’ve finally figured out the real reasons so many of us, stay-at-home moms, feel overwhelmed. And they’re not what most people think.
I’m sharing three of them with you today, along with solutions.
Reason #1: Your Entire Day Is Consumed By Kids and Home
There’s this wave of “tradwife” content online right now. Beautiful women in aprons cooking from scratch homemade meals, joyfully folding laundry, and acting like every moment of domestic life is pure bliss.
And if that’s not you? It’s easy to feel like a failure.
But here’s the truth: you didn’t become a stay-at-home mom because you love doing dishes.
You stayed home to be with your baby. To be present. To not miss those early years.
Sure, you knew housework was part of the deal. But you didn’t realize:
How much time it takes
How repetitive and draining it would feel
How little fulfillment you’d get from wiping the same counter for the 47th time that day
And when you spend your entire day doing things that don’t light you up? That lack of fulfillment starts to eat away at you. It leads straight to burnout.
What I Realized During My Rock Bottom
During that low point in my own journey (after my kids and I moved back in with my mom), I had time to reflect. And I realized something important:
I hadn’t lost myself. I never really knew myself to begin with.
I thought my identity was my career. So being a stay-at-home mom felt like it was pulling me away from “me.” That’s why it felt so miserable.
Maybe you’re feeling the same way. You don’t have a clear passion for what you’re doing every day. You can’t see the purpose in it. And that disconnection is draining you.
The Solution: Start Dreaming Again
When my kids were small, I didn’t have outside help. I couldn’t just disappear for hours to “find myself.”
So instead, I read books. I researched. I started dreaming again about what I wanted my life to look like one day.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
What did you love doing before kids?
Is there a new interest or skill that would actually make your housework easier or more enjoyable?
What did you do for fun as a child? (This one unlocks things you forgot you loved.)
You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Just start asking the questions. Let yourself dream again.
Reason #2: You Don’t Have a Good Routine
Your days feel chaotic. You’re jumping from one thing to another with no clear direction.
You’re constantly interrupted. By the end of the day, you’re exhausted, but you feel like you accomplished nothing.
Sound familiar?
This was my life before I built a routine. And it led to serious burnout because I was trying to do everything at the same time. My brain was scattered. I had a dozen unfinished projects haunting me.
The Solution: Create a Simple Routine
I know “create a routine” sounds like generic advice. But hear me out, it doesn’t have to be complicated.
You don’t need a color-coded schedule with time blocks down to the minute. You just need some structure so your brain isn’t in constant decision-making mode.
Quick tips to get started:
Set only 1 priority for each day. Example: Today’s priority is laundry. Everything else is a bonus.
Brain dump when you feel overwhelmed. Write down every single thing bouncing around in your head. And save your list for a day and time when you can focus on the list.
Use a timer. Set it for 10-15 minutes and clean. When it goes off, you can play with your kids. This gives you boundaries and helps you be present.
If you want a step-by-step guide to building your routine, I created a 5-Day Routine Challenge that walks you through it—just 5 minutes a day. It’ll give you a solid starting point.
Reason #3: You Were Never Taught How to Be a Mom
Has your mom or any older woman in your life ever sat you down and taught you how to actually do this?
Yeah, me neither.
Being a stay-at-home mom is like having on-the-job training with no manager, handbook, and training period. You’re just thrown into it and expected to figure it out.
And yet somehow, society acts like motherhood is supposed to come naturally. Like you should just know how to handle tantrums, sleepless nights, sibling fights, meal planning, developmental milestones, and all while maintaining your sanity.
No wonder you’re burnt out.
You’re learning and doing at the same time. And that’s exhausting.
The Solution: Find a Mom Mentor (and Read Books)
Find a mom who seems to have it together, not perfect, but steady, and learn from her. Watch how she interacts with her kids. Ask her questions. Let her normalize the hard parts.
Read books on parenting, but don’t follow them blindly. Take what makes sense for your kids and your personality. Leave the rest.
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. You just need to find people who are a few steps ahead of you and learn from their experience.
You’re Not Failing. You’re Just Missing the Right Support.
Burnout doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for this.
It means you need:
More than just “mom” and “housekeeper” in your identity
A routine that gives your day structure (not rigidity)
Support and wisdom from people who’ve been where you are
The goal of the SAHM Playbook is to help you feel less burnt out, lonely, and worthless by giving you systems that actually work. So you can be present with your kids and still have time for yourself.
Because you deserve a life you actually enjoy. Not just one you’re getting through.