11 Years as a SAHM...3 Lessons I Wish I Knew in the Beginning
Sometimes I think about what I’d tell my younger self—the version of me who was about to become a stay-at-home mom for the first time.
What would I warn her about? What would I tell her to prepare for?
Since I can’t actually go back in time, I’m doing the next best thing: I’m telling you.
If you’re a new stay-at-home mom—or thinking about staying home—these are the three things I wish someone had explained to me 11 years ago. Not to scare you, but to give you the reality so you can set yourself up for success.
Because here’s the truth: being a stay-at-home mom is one of the most challenging things you’ll ever do. But it’s also one of the most rewarding journeys of self-discovery you’ll ever experience.
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1. I Thought It Would Be Like Babysitting (Spoiler: It’s Not)
Before I had kids, I was great with children. I babysat all the time. I was a camp counselor. I loved teaching kids new things and playing with them.
So naturally, I thought, “Being a stay-at-home mom will be easy. I’m good at this.”
But here’s what I didn’t think about: When you babysit, you’re with those kids for a few hours. Then they go home. You clock out. You get a break.
When you’re a stay-at-home mom? There’s no clocking out.
It’s not like babysitting. At all.
Our entire society is designed for people to work outside the home—not stay home with their kids. We’re not taught how to manage a household or care for small humans 24/7. So when you choose to stay home, you’re working against the grain.
What I Wish I’d Known: You Need Flexibility and a Solid Routine
Here’s what would have changed everything for me in those early years:
You need a routine to organize your time.
Not a rigid, hour-by-hour schedule that makes you feel like you’re always falling behind. But a simple, flexible routine that keeps your time intentional.
A good routine is the solid foundation that helps you stay grounded even on chaotic days.
Think about your strengths and weaknesses.
Are you a morning person? Do you work better with music playing? Do you need complete silence to focus? Are you naturally organized, or do you need systems to keep you on track?
By leaning on your strengths, you can design a routine that actually works with your personality instead of against it. And that makes all the difference in how you move through your day.
Learn to be patient with your time.
Everything takes longer with kids. That meal that used to take 30 minutes? It’s now an hour. That quick errand? Add 20 minutes for getting everyone in the car.
Once you accept this reality and build extra cushion into your expectations, you’ll stop feeling frustrated and start feeling more in control.
2. I Thought I’d Lost Myself (But I Was Actually Finding Myself)
A lot of moms say, “I lost myself when I stayed home.”
I used to think that too.
But after 11 years, I’ve realized something: We didn’t lose ourselves. We’re in the middle of self-discovery.
What’s Really Happening
Society tells us that our identity is tied to our career. Our job title. Our paycheck. Our professional accomplishments.
So when you come home and that job disappears, it feels like YOU disappeared.
But here’s the truth: That job was never your identity. It was just something you did.
Coming home forces you to face this reality. And at first, it feels like loss. But it’s actually an opportunity.
My Personal Example
I went to medical school for years. I wanted to be a doctor. Everyone knew “Desi’s going to be a doctor.” That was my whole identity—or so I thought.
Then I couldn’t finish for financial reasons. And then I got pregnant.
I felt like a complete failure.
But over time, I realized something powerful: My purpose is something that can never be separated from me. It’s the essence of who I am.
It doesn’t matter if I get a certain job title or not. It doesn’t matter if I achieve a specific career milestone. My purpose—who I am at my core—just is.
The Journey of Self-Discovery
Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t about losing yourself. It’s about discovering who you are when you strip away all the external labels.
It’s about learning:
What you value most
What lights you up
What drains you
What you’re naturally good at
What you want your life to actually look like
This journey isn’t easy. But it’s one of the most valuable things you’ll ever do.
And on the other side? You’ll know yourself in a way most people never do.
3. Relying on One Income Isn’t Wise (But Here’s What You Can Do)
Some people might not agree with this, but I wholeheartedly believe it’s not wise to rely on one source of income.
I don’t care if it’s the mom working and the dad staying home, or vice versa. This isn’t about gender roles. It’s about financial stability and protecting your family.
If everything is dependent on one source of income, and that source is suddenly removed—whether through job loss, injury, illness, divorce, or anything else—your whole family is stuck.
Yes, you can have savings. That’s great. But what if your spouse gets injured? What if they lose their job? What if the business has a bad year? What if the unexpected happens?
My Experience
My husband went from working outside the home to running his own business. And with a business, income goes up and down.
That inconsistency has caused so much stress in our household—because we only have one source of income.
People say, “Well, why don’t you just put your kids in school and get a job?”
But I still have a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old at home. So I’d have to pay for daycare, which would eat up most of my income anyway. That doesn’t solve the problem.
I wish I had started building a second income stream before I had kids. Or at least when my kids were younger and I had a bit more flexibility.
But here’s the good news: It’s not too late. And you don’t have to do what I did.
You Don’t Need to Start from Scratch
You don’t have to start a whole new business from scratch like I’ve been trying to do for years.
But having something on the side—even small—can give you financial breathing room, reduce stress, and protect your family if something unexpected happens.
And it’s totally possible—depending on your skill level and available time.
My Advice: Start With What You Already Know
The easiest way to make extra income is to lean on skills you already have.
If you feel like you don’t have any “monetizable skills” yet? Don’t worry—that’s where I started too. You can learn so much from affordable sites like Udemy and Domestika (my personal favorites).
Real Options for Moms
Here are some realistic ways to earn extra income that can be done on weekends or during naptime:
Low-skill, flexible options:
Surveys: Sites like Survey Junkie or Respondent
Delivery/gig work: Instacart, DoorDash, Shipt (great for weekends)
Skill-based remote work:
Freelancing (writing, design, virtual assistant work)
Tutoring online
Bookkeeping or admin work
Your options are pretty much endless, but I’d say stick to what you already know or what genuinely interests you.
I’ll be doing more posts in the future sharing my thoughts on specific side hustles and what’s realistic for stay-at-home moms.
The Bottom Line on Income
I’m not saying you need to become a full-time entrepreneur or work 40 hours a week from home.
I’m saying: If you’re a new stay-at-home mom with just one or two kids right now, you have time to set yourself up for the future.
Even earning an extra $200-500 a month can:
Cover unexpected expenses
Reduce financial stress
Give you a safety net
Let you contribute without sacrificing time with your kids
You don’t have to wait until you’re 11 years in like me to figure this out. You can start now.
The Bottom Line
Being a stay-at-home mom is hard. Let’s not sugarcoat it.
But it’s also an incredible opportunity to:
Build a routine that reflects your values
Discover who you truly are beyond your job title
Actually be present with your baby during these fleeting early years
You don’t have to have it all figured out on day one. I’m still learning.
But if you start with these three truths, you’ll save yourself a lot of frustration and set yourself up for a life you actually enjoy, not just survive.
That’s what SAHM Playbook is all about: giving you the tools to build a stay-at-home mom life that works for YOU.